HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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