You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
