Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
