Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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