I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
