i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
