I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
