I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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