she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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