I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
