Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
