Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
