yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
