Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
