i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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