I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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