My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
