OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
