how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
