When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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