somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
