I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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