Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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