Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
