I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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