He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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