I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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