why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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