i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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