between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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