My liver just broke up with me...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
