dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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