New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
