Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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