I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
