Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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