After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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