After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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