when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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