So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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