great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
