Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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