OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
