how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
