dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
