I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
