I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
love makes seman taste better
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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