I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
