dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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