I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
