Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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