I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my being single is dangerous.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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