he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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