i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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