my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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