the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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