i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
