Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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