my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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