She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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