you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
