I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
