Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
