explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
