grandma shit on top of the toilet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
