My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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