We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
