tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
