I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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