i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
