i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
