I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there's paper in my vomit.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
