He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
