I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
